Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Am An Addict...

Hello. My name is Tiaan and I’m an addict.

Those have got to be the hardest words ever spoken by a person ever.

I have admitted to myself ages ago that I am an addict.

Less than five years ago I was addicted to ephedrine. To those that don’t know, ephedrine is the active ingredient in most slimming tablets. Thinz, Slenz, etc. Ephedrine is Speed. Ephedrine is Ecstacy. Luckily for some of us, those tablets aren’t available over the counter anymore.

I popped 6 of those slimming tabs every single day.

Not my proudest moment. However, those moments shaped who I am today…

Were it not for a busted cam belt and my bedroom floor, I may not have beaten the addiction.

However, beating one addiction always makes room for one more.

Since I can remember, which isn’t too long ago, I’m a bit of a drunk.

Some days I drink to just fall asleep. Some days I drink to get totally slaughtered.

99% of what I do goes up to 11. I am an addict.

I think my Mother’s known for some time that I have an addictive personality. I get addicted easily to things.

I think for her it was that I don’t like being second best at anything.

I only learned how a stove works two and a half years ago. Yet, now I have to try the most complicated recipe.

I picked up a proper camera two and a half years ago. Now that camera is what partly defines who I am.

Some of my family members only found out a few weeks ago that I am an addict. On the same night they found out I’m a religious sceptic.

However… Us addicts had one of our stalwarts pass away this week… Possible OD, although the autopsy is inconclusive.

Regardless of autopsy we know. Amy Winehouse died as she lived. Everything up to 11.

In my lifetime I have beaten one addiction. Will I ever beat my alcohol addiction? Who knows?

That is the way it is.

Should we ever breed, it is either good or bad for the child.

I will either be the best parent ever, or the most drunk.

I’m glad I never had drunken parents, which means if we ever spawn I’ll have to sober up.

Try as I might, I cannot paint all of my addictions in a positive light.

The only positive that can come out of my addictions is that I try my absolute best to be number one.

The absolute worst is that I might die young. Or rather youngish.

Hopefully, one day, I’ll sober up. Do I have a problem? Possibly. Do I care? Maybe.

That last maybe is what keeps me going.

Will I carry on getting drunk? Quite likely.

Will I eventually stop? Let’s see…

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