Anniversarial Thoughts…

I’m not often sentimental on my blog, but today is a special day. So everyone can forgive me this moment of sappiness.

A year ago today, I married the love of my life. While I often tell her how wonderful she is, and as much as the whole world knows this, I need to shout it from the rooftops. Or, as this case may be, the blog tops.

I met The Boss in the strangest of places. An internet dating site. I was going to give up hope. Getting ready to spend the rest of my life alone. Okay, not entirely alone, there was a whiskey bottle involved. I digress however.

After a few tentative dates, we were officially a couple. Myself, of course, being my normal abrasive self and The Boss being her normal accepting and loveable self.

The entire first year of our relationship was a tough one. With The Boss being away during the week, and us trying to build our relationship on weekends. But we persevered.

A little over a year after we met, I decided one day that I’m not letting The Boss get away without a fight. I cornered her father and asked permission to marry her. I came off lightly. Granted, he was up a ladder at the time, and I had the bravery that only three double whiskeys can give one.

Almost eighteen months after we met, we signed the lease on our current flat. Living in sin for a few months, while planning a wedding.

Don’t let anyone bullshit you into thinking that planning a wedding is hard work. It really isn’t. Apart from the dress, I had our entire wedding planned, booked and paid for in three weeks. I digress again.

We were married a year ago today. In a small ceremony overlooking the ocean. Surrounded by only our immediate family. Some of our family members couldn’t make it. Their lack of presence was felt by all.

The few days running up to our wedding day, we were getting worried about the weather. Our ceremony was due to take place outside, and the weather was awful. Pissing down cats and dogs almost every day.

The day we got married, someone was looking out for us. Clear and sunny skies.

But now… Today… A year had passed since we have made the biggest decision of our lives. The entire year has not been smooth sailing. In fact, the last three months were downright rough. No fault of our own though. The Boss was away assessing some mine’s risk, and I was left watching the cat.

All jokes aside for a minute.

For as long as I can remember, I was looking for someone like The Boss. Someone that understands that I have a hard time in the morning. Someone that gets why I can’t stand the general population of this wonderful country of ours. Someone that doesn’t just cater to my every whim, but tells me to get knotted every now and again. Someone, that at the risk of sounding cheesy, completes me.

It was a rough couple of years, looking for her, but I found her. And now, there’s no backing out. She’s stuck with me.

At least we’re both happy to be stuck together. And in a last soppy moment. The Boss, I love you. More than life itself.

We now return to our normal programming. And in the spirit of the usual posts… Fuck off!

Drama Tweens

Is it my imagination or have the teens of today become more neurotic and angsty?

I look at the youngsters of today and all I see is them constantly bitching and moaning about absolutely everything. They seem to think that because they are at school, live with their (controlling) parents and are suffering from the onset of puberty, that they have the right to act like whiny little shits.

They whine because their parents won’t buy them the latest iGimmick. They whine because their parents demand a certain level of respect. They whine because their parents demand they do a few things around the house. They whine because they get assigned homework, projects and tests at school. Then they whine because they fail the abovementioned tests.

I know that I was not the easiest teenager on earth. I gave my mother a good run for her money and then some. Even in my 30s I am still my mother’s most difficult child. I also know that if I acted half as badly as today’s Drama Tweens, my mother would have given me a beating I would not soon have forgotten, and it would have been a beating I would have deserved. Beyond the shadow of a fucking doubt.

Apparently now, according to some “real” research, teenage angst is because of biology. Bull-fucking-shit! Teenage angst is because teenagers have become whiny little shits with more human bloody rights than their parents. If parents today had the rights my parents had when I was growing up, there would be fewer angsty bloody teenagers.

I know I was not always the world’s happiest child either. I was also “misunderstood”. Except in my case being “misunderstood” meant I was a self-centred, whiny little shit. However angsty we were back in the 80s and 90s, no-one actually ever knew about it. The really, very angsty ones were just a little different, and usually ended up being art students. Which is fine, since everyone expects art students to be a little “different”. But, however angsty, self-centred and whiny we were back in those days, we were not a patch against the kids of today.

But with the incidence of Facebook, Twitter and Mxit, I tend to see a lot more of this whiny-ness of the younger generation. Not only are the younger generation in our midst whiny, needy and self-centred, they are also tremendous attention whores. Heaven forbid anyone on this planet should not be paying attention to them for five minutes.

You do not even have to go on Facebook or Twitter to see these little attention whores. Go to any mall. Now, I cannot remember if I ever did this, but you see the parents and five steps behind is the teenager, sulking. Sulking because of being dragged out in public with their uncool parents. I know my parents are uncool, but guess what? Fuck everyone else. They are MY uncool parents. What they lack in uncoolness, they make up for in everything else. Christ, I can swear like a drunken pirate in front of my mother and she accepts that as a part of me. However, I digress…

Apart from the whiny little shits walking five steps behind the parents, they walk with their headphones in their ears. Listening to whatever is playing on their iGimmick that they eventually guilted their parents into buying. That kind of behaviour is unacceptable. You do not go out in public with a set of headphones plugged into your ears. Wrong on very many levels.

Amongst my Facebook and Twitter “friends” I have two teenagers. Roughly a year apart in age from each other. A more depressed collection of youngsters remain to be seen. One complains most of the time about how big a loser it is. How it does not have any friends. How it does not have a best friend. The list goes on. The other just complains a lot, about pretty much everything in its life.

The common denominator between the two, both hate their parents for some perceived wrong doing on the parents’ part. The only wrong my parents ever did was not beating me enough.

I had a point to all of this… Yes! Please can someone tell me if I am imagining all of this? I really cannot tell any more. Have teenagers become tiny, self-centred, whiny little drama queens? I think they have. I think parents should start beating the shit out of their kids again. Perhaps then teenagers will go back to being less self-centred and whiny. They will still be little shits, but they will whine less.

Anti-socialite

I’ve known for quite some time that I’m a bit of an anti-socialite. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against socialites, I’m just not one myself.

It used to be that I avoided social settings to avoid the numbskullery that usually goes on at these things. That and most of the dumb fuckery as well. I just cannot do social. Mostly because social events are made up of small talk, and as I found out years ago, I have a malformed small talk gland. I cannot talk to strangers about the weather, the crime or house prices.

All of yesterday I was mulling over an invite I received for an event. An event I would have had to attend alone. I have never been a huge fan of going anywhere alone. Always feeling that I stick out like a sore thumb.

It’s easy enough to say that I will know the person that invited me, but it’s not always quite that simple. Yes, I will know the person that invited me. Flipside of that coin is that the person that invited me will also know everyone else that they invited. And being the inviter, they would have to spend equal time with everyone that they invited. And, as with most invitations passed my way, I could only imagine that the majority of inviter’s other invitees will also know each other.

Now, yesterday a new “thing” manifested itself. It wasn’t just an absolute blind hatred of social events, but the very thought that I have to be in the company of people I don’t know sent me into a paroxysm of fear.

I have no idea really where this fear came from. Maybe I’ve just been to one too many birthday parties where I was the one standing around feeling spare. I usually end up feeling a bit like a pork chop at a Muslim wedding, and it’s not a feeling I particularly like.

I saw a shrink once that said I lack social skills. I don’t think it’s just a “lack” any more. I’m in a negative balance when it comes to social skills. I just cannot for the life of me do it. If I could avoid most, if not all, social events for the rest of my life I can die a happy man.

However, sadly, I cannot. Having married to someone that is a bit more social than I am and her coming from a family far, far more social than I can ever dream to be. Therefore certain social events I’ll never get away from.

Most people meeting me for the first time offline are usually in for a rather big shock. I’m only funny online. Offline I’m really a bit beige. The only way I could be more beige was if I dressed in tweed.

This is a Test

Just a short test to see how Windows Live Writer works with Blogger.

If it works OK, I might use it in future to write and post my entries.

Leading with Lights?!

A week or two ago Lead SA launched the Lead With Lights campaign.

The idea behind the campaign is that motorists drive with their headlights on during the day in order to increase visibility. In theory this is a good idea. In practice not always such a bright idea, no pun intended.

Firstly, the motorcyclists took issue with the campaign. They reckoned that the motorists driving with their headlights on will decrease the visibility of the motorcyclists on the road. However, driving these roads and seeing the motorcyclists act like total shit heads every day doesn’t do much to endear them to me. Yes, they drive with their lights on while wearing their hi viz jackets. Some of them wear the hi viz jackets at least. The younger two-wheeled ass hats usually just wear shorts and a t-shirt.

They weave in and out of traffic. They will ride their motorcycle at speeds approaching stupid between two lanes of stationary cars. Taking stupid fucking chances and we should be worried about their safety. They have no grasp of the meaning of the word safety.

Regularly, you will pass some road side memorial to the stupidity of some motorcyclist. How many accidents are caused by motorcyclists? I’m guessing that it’s loads of them.

Often when on the highway I will check my mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes. Then just as I am about to move into another lane a motorcyclist will appear out of nowhere and I have to change plans, and forget about changing lanes.

I realize that it’s not every motorcyclist that rides like this. Probably around one, or two, percent of motorcyclists obey the rules of the road. The same ones that afford motorists the same mutual respect that they demand.

Enough of the motorcyclists for a minute.

The day the campaign was launched, several people phoned into the radio station I frequently listen to in order to praise the campaign. Some old duck even insisted that it should be made law to drive with your headlights on. My first thought was that that was the kakkest thing I have heard that entire week.

If they should pass a law compelling motorists to drive with their lights on it will become just another way for the metro to make easy money. They will be pulling people over, in order to write fines for stupid little things, instead of tackling the real law breakers.

Several times a week I see people breaking any number of road laws. Driving in the emergency lanes. Driving over painted islands. Tailgating. Driving like total douche bags. All while having their headlights on.

Increasing visibility on the road is not going to help as long as people drive recklessly. Take care of the reckless drivers and our roads will be loads safer already. Take care of pedestrians crossing the road willy nilly and your pedestrian death toll will go down.

Take care of the shit heads on the roads, and the law abiding motorists among us will be safer. Impound a few taxis and life will be better for everyone. Stop hiding behind a shrubbery and do something more constructive than issuing speeding fines and the roads will be safer.

Keep your lights off, and obey the rules of the road.

I Weep for the Children

I feel like I have to feel very sorry for the future generations of this world.

I have been spending a lot of time recently scouring the back catalogues of groups like AC/DC, Iron Maiden and Rush.

Let us have a look at AC/DC for a minute.  Two members are over 60, the others approaching 60. Rapidly. However, age aside, these guys rock harder than a lot of the new acts on the charts. Still touring, still releasing new material. No constant rehashing of old stuff.

Now, browse over to Iron Maiden. The oldest member of that band is Nicko McBrain, who at 58 is the old man of the band. The rest of the band members are all in their early, to mid, 50s. Similar to AC/DC, they’re still recording, still touring. For god’s sake, Bruce Dickinson flies charters for Astraeus when he’s not busy with Maiden.

Rush’s members are all in their late 50s. Neil Peart bashes a set of drums like I have never seen before, or since.

The point I am trying to make is this... I weep for the children, because they may never see talent like these guys live. Ever.

What have we got when these bands retire? Let’s have a quick look at what we’ve got...

Justin Bieber

The Jonas Brothers

Miley Cyrus

Ke$ha

Coheed and Cambria

Nickelback

The fucking Parlotones

R&B acts too numerous to mention.

Do we notice any superiorly talented, hard rock acts on that list? No.

And, that boys and girls, is why I weep for the children.

While Rush, AC/DC and Iron Maiden are still recording and touring, all is good in the world.

What happens when they feel like retiring? The same thing happened with Toto a few years ago. All I can give my kids one day are a few recordings and some live DVDs. My children will never have the privilege of seeing Toto performing live.

My children are most likely never going to see Maiden, Rush or AC/DC live. And, fingers crossed, gods willing, they will have better taste in music that whatever is popular today, or tomorrow.

Please, can we have some serious hard rock acts? People that don’t care to be relevant. People that don’t care about popularity or album sales. But, rather, people that care about the music. People that care enough about their art to be the best at it. Not good enough, but the best.

You're Building a What?!

The Boss’ company has decided to send them all on a team building exercise. Anybody who has known me for any length of time will know what I think about team building. Besides being an enormous waste of a day, it is also a large pile of bovine manure.

I decided to have a look at what was on offer from the place her company has tentatively chosen.

Beach Soccer... Great for the athletes, not so great for the rest of them.

Beach Volley Ball... Great if you are coordinated enough to smack a ball in mid-air, not so great if you have the grace and coordination of a baby elephant.

Beach Dodge Ball... Now you need to be coordinated enough to dodge a ball in mid-air.
Life Saver’s Flag Races, Beach Rugby and Treasure Hunts. Yeah, I can really see how this can bring a team together.

Then I decided to do a little search for team building exercise offers. I could not believe the shit I saw being passed off as “team building”.

Often, team building will have what they call a Trust Exercise. This is where you have to fall backwards into the arms of someone that can’t catch a cold without written instructions.

Then I found the gem that offered a drumming circle. You sit in a circle with your “team” and beat a drum. This supposedly brings your “team” closer together. What I know is that if we had to go on a team building like that, the only thing that would get beaten is a colleague, or two.

Then there’s the one that offers fire walking. Yes, I’m really going to get along better with my co-workers when my feet are blistered.

Basically, what I am saying is that there is only one way to build a team. You start with a good manager. A good manager knows how to pick people that will work well together, and work well with him.

At the risk of looking like a brown noser, my manager has managed to mostly get it right. He has three team members that work exceedingly well together. No matter the challenge, we rise above it. We have a few members that can’t take strain, but we manage to always step in, and help out.

So keep your beach soccer, your drum circles and fires. Give them to someone else.

There may be no “I” in team, but only because it’s being used in “Bullshit”.